UNAIR NEWS“ A divorce in a household often creates a trauma for the child.Losing one parent figure can change the way of thinking and behavior of the child.But will all the effects of divorce be bad?Will the child feel resentment and trauma in the circumstances?
Sanny Prakosa Wardhana, S.Psi., Psych., from the Faculty of Psychology 51¶¯Âþ (UNAIR) said that children often become victims of a divorce.In divorce cases he has handled, complaints he received were many about children who experienced changes in behavior and thinking.It happens because the children lose figure around them. The children will rarely meet the figure because they are separated.
Sanny also added that a child who used to live with their father and mother, will have mental problem when one of them is not around.
“Therefore it is important for parents to tell everything to the child in an acceptable way so the children can accept the reality,” said Sanny.
Normally, added Sanny, the role of both parents should not necessarily disappear after divorce.Affection should always be shown to the children, especially when they are still growing up.
Sanny believes that communication in the family determines the attitudes and ways of thinking shown by children in everyday life.Thus, when a divorce happens, parents should be a major part of for with the approach the child needs.Parents, according to him must be present in every child growth, keep the connection and communication although they do not live in the same place with the child.
“Then parents should also focus on the solution if there are changes or problems after the divorce.Do not let children involve in the problems of parents, “explained Sanny.
What happens on the child’s side?
Sanny also said that divorce will make children feel various emotions that can even be brought up to their future life, whether it is revenge in the past or even trauma.
Sanny said that children of divorce often experience more difficult condition than children with complete family.However, they should be able to make the children more independent in life.
“There are many children from a divorce who cansurviveand get out of the sadness to be a better person,” he said.
Furthermore, Sanny reiterated that the children will experience severe pressure.It would be more difficult if the child continues to feel the sadness and unending grief.This is what can trigger depression and even suicide.However, children from a divorce are not weak soul who will be sad for a long time and do nothing.They must be brave to let go the sadness and face the future.
“The children need to gain spiritual knowledge in order to strengthen faith and piety.So the child accepted the reality that there is always a meaning behind all God’s giving, ” Sanny concluded.
Author: Farida Hariani
Editor: Nuri Hermawan
